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I turned 75 this past Tuesday. But I almost didn’t.
Two days earlier Paula and I were standing with two friends outside a Maryland restaurant waiting for another party of four to be seated. Suddenly a man burst out of the door, sternly flipping the finger, wildly boxing the air, and bellowing:
F**KING LIBERALS!
WOW. Pop-up theater. Cool.
But it wasn’t. That was no act. That was no actor.
He stomped away, raising clenched fists like Rocky. He felt victorious.
Not a single liberal cursed him back. Not a single liberal made chase. We were in line. We had reservations.
Liberals are tolerant, generous, and gracious. Liberals believe in peace, love, and understanding. Liberals don’t yell obscenities at the other side. Liberals welcome dialogue. Liberals believe people are reasonable, even drunks.
I’m a liberal.
So I called out after the raging bull: Hey there! How can you tell who’s a liberal?
I wanted to learn from him. I wanted to walk in his flip-flops. I wanted to feel his pain.
He stopped, turned, and screamed:
F**K YOU!
And he meant it. He charged at me like a loose cannon, arms flailing while spewing his two favorite syllables.
I wasn’t afraid.
I do yoga.
I stood my ground trying to think of the yoga pose that protects against an attack, only to realize that yoga isn’t karate.
The bull roared.
I struck the mountain pose, inner core tight, taut, deeply rooted in love for all people and all creatures great and small. Breathe in. Breathe out. Namaste.
The bull lunged.
Joe Pesci jumped between us.
Touch me and you’ll be in big trouble, mister. I will call the law.
Okay. It wasn’t Joe Pesci. It was the bartender. He was short but wiry. You know, Joe Pesci.
The bull pawed the ground, grimaced, and then waddled away muttering.
(What a great country! Even a drunk idiot knows he’s not above the law.)
The bartender apologized and led us inside. Well, that was different, we all agreed. We ate and drank liberally and left a liberal tip.
The next morning I searched the internet for Maryland’s gun laws. Oh, boy! That drunk idiot could have been packing. Legally!
What was I thinking?
Will reason stop a guy with a gun?
Are liberals too nice?
Are we stupid?
Are we f**ked?
Please let me know.
What a stooge. Maybe someone should tell that guy he’s in one of the bluest states in the country. If he wants looser gun laws he could move to WV where you don’t even need a permit.
This was a great read. I’ll forever wonder if the mt pose would have held. Suredly your indomitable spirit would have prevailed.
A friend told me about you so I haven’t seen this before but, I love all of your posts. You have the ability to take humor and use it to address issues without offending anyone. I look for to your Sunday posts. Keep them coming.
Two years later, here’s what popped into my head as I read that this particular bull could have been “packing” (which is accurate): I learned of a meme recently that states, “R’s contend that ‘guns don’t kill people’ but… books can turn them gay.” These particular folks demonstrate that “la plus ca change, plus c’est la meme chose.” May the bulls continue to walk away so that you can live to celebrate many more birthdays! 👍
Well, let me take a figurative stab at this:
-Maybe you were thinking that you’d get a thoughtful answer (from a fuming non-liberal)? What were you thinking?
– Usually not; unless maybe, if you’re a trained de-escalation negotiator.
– Some are, maybe (too nice – if that’s possible).
– Some are, maybe (too stupid); mostly not (from my experience).
-Seems like it – unless we vote the ****ers out!
That’s my 2 cents’ worth on this glorious Sunday morning.
Thanks for the cautionary tale; & thanks to the Joe Pescis of the world you get to enjoy the Alaskan Wilderness with your beautiful wife 🙂
I try not to use words like liberal and conservative. Most of those who called themselves conservative are maga cultists and/or fascists and Christian nationalists. The rest of us want humanity and Earth to survive, don’t want children to die in wars of evil aggression, and don’t believe the mega wealthy are better than the rest of us, and women must be accorded bodily autonomy. May we harness our collective power this autumn to shape our society for survival and sanity.
“We had reservations.” A great throw-away line. Maybe you’re a liberal pragmatist. Happy birthday.
I know this happened a couple of years ago or so, long before we liberals discovered our new devastating weapon—no yoga poses necessary!
That raging bull; what a weirdo!
As long as gun laws stay as they are, we are all f**ked.
I think that could have been my brother-in-law.
On the day of 9-11, my brother-in-law picked up his 5-yr old daughter at preschool. In the car, he tried to explain to her what was happening that day.
“Molly, I want you to know some very bad people did something horrible to our country today.”
“Oh Daddy! Was it the Democrats?”
True story.
Remember, most people have limited patience and self-control. Be Careful out there