I was not born a racist. I was not born a misogynist. I was not born a homophobe. I was born innocent.
But I became a racist, a misogynist, and a homophobe.
And a nice guy.
I never denied blacks, women, or gays a mortgage. I never denied blacks, women, or gays a promotion. I never denied blacks, women, or gays a seat on the bus.
I couldn’t have even if I’d wanted to. I don’t have that kind of power.
But I do have another kind of power.
I attended an integrated high school. I was president of the high school Interact Club, an organization founded by Rotary in 1962. At that time, Rotary was an all-male domain.
My female classmates were not included, never invited. That’s just the way it was. And it was wrong.
I never complained, never protested.
Our club had 60 members. The three black members were never nominated for office, never considered. That’s just the way it was. And it was wrong.
I never complained, never protested.
My classmates told fag jokes, nigger jokes, and dumb blonde jokes. I laughed.
I never would have kicked, punched, or slapped a black, gay, or female classmate. I was a nice guy. Still, I didn’t complain or protest while blacks, girls, and gays were belittled.
I didn’t hate any of them. I just didn’t love them enough.
I didn’t love them enough to walk in their shoes, to feel and see the world as they did. I didn’t love them enough to make the world as safe and as good for them as it was for me.
I once was blind. But now I see.
A friend recently asked me: How can “they” call me a racist when I hold no hatred against any of “them”?
I told him what I tell myself: Racism isn’t about hating. It’s about not loving enough, not loving enough to make the world as safe and as good for others as it is for me. It’s not about hatred. It’s about indifference. And from that soil, malignant behaviors, policies, and structures arise.
We are born innocent. And then the learning begins. We learn how to see the world. And we learn how to close our eyes.
And if that’s the case, we can learn how to open our eyes and see what we’ve been missing.
_______________________
Check out Paula’s photographic montage on the home page.
Thank you! I like “we just haven’t loved enough….” Words to hold onto.
“It’s about not loving enough, not loving enough to make the world as safe and as good for others as it is for me.” That is a real dark hole in peoples‘ outlook. Jesus couldn’t cure the throngs and masses. One can live by example and hope that, as the Beatles said “in the end the love you take is the love you make“, but I fear it is not enough. It’s not enough to just cure your self on the journey. Look around… It is not enough.
Maybe it’s because I’m more sensitive to the realities of the world now more than ever, but it seems worse now. Systemic racism is ugly, murderous, and stomps any hope from even the strongest communities. Forgiveness is powerful. The church community that forgave Dylan Roof as an example. But it didn’t save Rayshard Brooks, George Floyd, Breonna Taylor, and Ahmaud Arbery.
“We are born innocent and then the learning begins.” Perfect.
Elie Wiesel said, “The opposite of hate is not love, but indifference”. It is the “soil” of indifference that allows us to “not love enough”, to “close our eyes”, to embrace white privilege. We must be “carefully taught”, as the words from “South Pacific” proclaim. May we learn to love more and open our eyes in courage, wisdom and justice.
To quote the poet laureate of our generation, Bob Dylan: “He (she) not busy being born, is busy dying.”
I just learned this week about a “cultural competency continuum”. Many already know about it and the idea of going from cultural destruction to blindness to competence and then to cultural proficiency (summarized). One of many great things about our VA Medical Center is the rich diversity of employees and the intentional focus of inclusion. Learning from and being with people from many cultures adds some most excellent spice to life.
But are we really “born innocent”? This is an honest question; I don’t know the answer, but I would appreciate your thoughts. Newborns are cute and all, and of course, they’ve never done anything “wrong”. But they are also incredibly selfish creatures: feed me; change me; it’s all about me.
The opposite of innocent is guilty. I don’t see how anyone can be guilty until the age of discretion and I’m pretty sure that’s more than one day in. Original sin (or, guilty at birth) is a convenient (and profitable) invention of Christianity (at least one branch of it.)
Not loving them enough to want for them what I already have … and then caring enough to make it happen with whatever relationship, whatever influence, whatever resources and power I have that would prove my love by putting it into practice. Not loving them enough is not much different, practically speaking, than hating them.