I went for my annual physical with my primary physician. The first stop was with the MA (Medical Assistant), a 14-year-old boy with a clipboard and a name tag. “Will.” Turns out he was 24 and serious.
Follow me.
I did.
Step on the scale.
I did.
And just for laughs, I told him I usually weigh myself naked.
Keep your clothes on. I’ll subtract for clothing.
Numbers flashed, then stopped.
(WOW. Shorts, T-shirt, and flip-flops must weigh ten pounds.)
Step off and sit over there.
I did.
I’m now going to test your memory.
(What?! A memory test?!! No, please don’t. Test my blood, reflexes, urine, IQ. Anything but memory!)
(More and more these days I go into the pantry and stare at the shelves trying to remember what I came in there for only to realize I meant to go into the laundry room to fetch a broom. Or, was it a sponge?)
I’m going to give you an address and then ask you a series of questions. The last question will be: What is the address I led with.
GULP.
(What if I fail? Fail an eye exam you get glasses. Fail this, what then? A neurologist? A spinal tap? A nursing home?)
The address is 42 West.
42 West. Got it.
What is today’s date?
June 18, 2025 (42 West)
What’s your birth date?
July 5, 1947 (42 West)
Where are you right now?
WVU Medical Center. (42 West)
Where do you live?
Shepherdstown, West Virginia. (42 West)
When did World War II end?
1945 (42 West)
Who is president?
I’d rather not say. (42 West)
But you do know who it is, right?
Yes. I. Do. (Help me, Lord. Please help me here. 42 West. 42 West. 42 West.)
Count to zero starting with 20.
42, 41. Sorry. 20, 19, 18…zero. (42 West)
What was the address I gave you?
42 West.
That’s right. Perfect. You’ve passed.
WHEW.
I heard my friend of 40 years had lost a step or two, cognitively. I took him to lunch the other day. We chatted and laughed like two old friends. But something was off. He didn’t know me. He was enjoying lunch with a “friendly stranger.”
I drove him home.
He said, thank you. And got out.
I could have been an Uber driver.
Damn! I pounded the steering wheel and drove away.
O yes! The annual physical & memory test. My mother came to live with us when she had dementia. I’d take her to the doctor, & she’d get a similar test. When asked a question she didn’t know, she’d look at me for help, with those loving eyes, hoping for help! It’s ok mom if you don’t know the answer…
Nowadays, I bone up for the test. What day is this? Date? I know where I am. I can do the other tasks. I can count back from 100 by sevens… but like you, the phrase to remember me concerns me every time, so I keep thinking it, over & over, until relieved – she finally asks me…whew!! Passed it for another year!
I hope when & if the time comes when I don’t (remember) I can laugh – ‘it’s ok if you don’t know the answer – cause these days I search for words from time to time. Getting older ain’t for the faint of heart… I hope for grace & a liteness of being as I journey on to 42 West. In the meantime I do agree – everyone else I meet in those rooms seems to be getting younger & younger.
Thanks for making me laugh, & letting me resonate with one of life’s little tests…So far, so good!
My mom did the same thing. The eyes. Yes, it’s ok.
Memory. I figure I am just doing a data dump of stuff I have no need to retain any longer. Have to make room for the new. The fun test is when they hide objects and go on to ask all these qns and you have to recall what and where they are. All I can think of is “Honey ,have you seen my keys?” Lived with this through my mom – never ever fun.
Oscar Wilde said, “Memory is the diary we all carry about with us.” Let us treasure it while we can. Let us receive it as a gift, for, like every gift, it can be given and somehow taken away, especially as we age. Let us strive to maintain our diary, treasure it, humor it, and take it seriously as long as possible.
Huge Congratulations!! Your brain isn’t fading. Your wit isn’t dulling. No signs of dementia. Now, I’m gonna walk around all day with 42 West running round my brain.k
It’s true that old age isn’t for “the faint of heart” and other ways to dress up a stage of life that’s so far been pretty good to me. But as we all know, there’s also the rough and tumble side. I’ve been doing the, “Why am I standing here in this room and what did I come in here to do?” But then I’ve been dealing with that one for a while now. Life tumbles on! Even in my bleakest moments, living is a good way to pass the time. Let’s face it, when we die, we’re a long time dead. What we could do is get ourselves elected president and flaunt our creeping dementia and then be proud of it as the current occupant of The Bleak House, formerly known as White, does on a daily basis. Nothing like acting the horse’s posterior and then being proud of it. For a remedy, I recommend a listen to Buddy Holly’s “Fade Away”.
My memory is definitely affected as I age. I know what I want to say but can’t find the words I want. But this week I celebrated 50 years of blessed friendship with my friend Lucy. And we still know and treasure each other, and when we don’t I know the love will still persist.
Amen and amen!
Have you fallen recently is the question at every check-up since age 65. Memory tests appeared at age 70. Standard fare in countries that have doctors for senior citizens. Supposedly the tests identify subtle changes in ability, but I have not seen, had, or heard of one yet that is in any way subtle.
The Medicare exam memory questions are the same every year. I could tell the nurse the address she wanted me to remember before she gave it to me because I’ve been taking the same exam for so long! LOL
Hahahaha!!! So much this!
The first few years of the annual memory test had a circle with a dot in the center. I was supposed to draw the hands of the clock to show the approximate time. Long hand and short hand. I remain convinced that every one of my grandchildren and every person under 25 would fail that test as they had not ever seen a clock like that.
Man, woman, person, camera, tv. Did I get it right? I too had a memory test and worried about what if I can’t remember it. These teenagers that are giving us our exams are trying to trip us up I just know it. Paybacks for their parents telling them no, or something.
So I have an idea, if I don’t pass my next address but answered all the other questions right, I’ll just flub the address again the next year and answer all the other questions right, and then there won’t be a subtle change 🤣.
Gaming the system.
The World War II question must be specially directed at us Boomers. Don’t know many Gen Z folk who could answer that question Seems like every time you hear about some sad event that has happened to a friend or loved one, it means that we all move up one step in the cue, regardless if you are second or number 2,350. One has to wonder, when is the fall, the diagnosis, or the slip of memory going to happen to us.Our transition (death) is something we pretend is something that happens to only to others. I remember when my farmer friend went out to slaughter his two pigs, he went to the stye, held out an apple, a pig came over to get his treat, and wham he got the hit between his eyes, that quickly ended things. The other pig hunkered down and squealed. Then my friend held out another apple and sure enough the second pig came waltzing over with the full knowledge that nothing bad could happen, then, Wham, he suffered the same fate as his stye mate. An Indian parable tells of a man who heard that Death is coming to take him, so he flees to the mountains to hide from Death. Upon arriving, Death steps out from behind a rock and says to the man, What are you doing here to which the man replies, I was hiding from you. Death gives a laugh and thanks the man for saving him a long trip to the valley to find him. I guess the moral of these stories is that we should spend a little time each day trying in some way to prepare ourselves for the inevitable. A little joy and thankfullness, along with some prayer and contemplation goes a long way.
You could have shared the secret passcode for Gnosticism literacy: “42 West.” Not sure what it gets you, but it’s something.
Yes.