Regrets, I’ve had a few, but then again, too few to mention
—Frank Sinatra (“I Did It My Way”)
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Good for you, Frank. But that’s not me. I have more than a few regrets.
I’ll get to a few, but first this.
A certain friend of mine ends every day by counting her blessings and inscribing them in a “book of blessings.” She is one of the happiest people I’ve ever known.
And to think she’s a Democrat.
Most of my Democratic friends are depressed, disheartened, or demoralized. Not her. She’s not only happy; she’s joyful. And she’s a warrior in the resistance.
Must be the book of blessings!
I’ve sporadically tried keeping a book of blessings, but it’s never worked for me. Alas, I quickly default to regrets.
Failures.
Missteps.
I don’t inscribe them in a “book of regrets.” I just recall them one by one, weigh them, and take them to heart.
It may sound like a downer, but it’s not. It’s not wallowing in guilt. I don’t beat myself up or fall on my knees begging forgiveness.
It’s a moral inventory, a learning tool, a way to improve one’s character, which, by the way, the ancient Greeks considered the purpose of life. To them, happiness was a byproduct of pursuing and practicing virtue.
Unfortunately, Thomas Jefferson enshrined “the pursuit of happiness” as “an inalienable right,” which, regrettably, has led our nation to hyperconsumerism.
Are you happy yet? No? Well, maybe this shiny new thing will make you happy. After all, you deserve to be happy. It’s your right!
If only Jefferson had said “the pursuit of virtue.”
Maybe he came to regret it. Who knows?
And then there’s those people who have no regrets whatsoever.
I can’t think of a single thing I’d have done differently. I will go to my grave with no regrets.
REALLY? No regrets over an entire lifetime?
Personally, I have a few almost everyday!
I talked too much today; I’ll listen more tomorrow.
I ignored my granddaughter’s presence today; I’ll pay attention next time.
I took Thelma on a quick-step, short-leash walk today; I’ll give her more leash and more time to smell the “roses” tomorrow.
My friend looked glum today; I’ll ask why next time.
I sat at the keyboard too long today; I’ll walk in the woods tomorrow.
We all mess up. What we do next matters most.
Just to have another chance to make things right is a blessing.
I’m going to put that in my new book of blessings.
Tomorrow.
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MEET THE AUTHOR
Berkeley Springs Presbyterian Church Fellowship Hall
97 S Mercer St, Berkeley Springs, WV
Saturday • April 5 • 10:00-11:00 a.m.
Books available to purchase at event.
Your missive is timely my friend. I awoke this morning focused on aches & pains, & recalling the “what’s wrong with me”’s. Things I regret, things I want to change about myself, things that cause me (& those I love) suffering. Instead of avoiding them, I took some time to breathe & inspect them. Even my Calm app lead me to practice self acceptance – all parts of me. I’m human. No better, no worse than the next person. Then I remembered it’s my father’s birthday. 3/30/1930. He would have been 95 today. His “birthday anniversary” as he would put it. He died when he was 65. He retired at age 60 to enjoy his retirement. “ I don’t want to work ‘til I’m 65, & then drop dead 6 months later (like many men did then). He didn’t regret it. 5 good years traveling & enjoying his hard won retirement with mom. He wasn’t perfect. He said numerous times he wished he’d been a better father. He worked a lot; he went to nite school & graduated from college when I was in high school. He loved learning, reading, poetry & anthropology among other things. He passed on those gifts, & all the rest ( the human foibles) just fade away. My sh** list is much shorter than my blessings list. I count them, often; but especially when I’m feeling low. They buoy me, comfort me…& your Devil’s Gift is one of those blessings, Randy. Thank you for being you, & sharing with us.
Sounds like he was a great person with a fully-lived life! I’m sure he was a proud father.
What an honestly riveting blog! Ruminating over regrets is not helpful, but learning from them is. There is something virtuous about that effort. Personally speaking, my focus for years has been to maintain a journal in which I enter a blessing each day, no matter the circumstances. For me, it provides a healthy balance and spiritual alertness to the basic goodness of life. It has been said that “happiness is an inside job,” one not based on external “shiny objects.” Maintaining a thoughtful journal of blessings is a form of mindfulness practice and an “inside job” of appreciation, a reminder that mindless consumption is not the essence of living.
Exactly, Randy. Happiness is not a destination but a way of traveling and self-reflection is a crucial element. Happy Sunday, my friend!
Thank you for this perfect opportunity to reflect on both blessing and regret. Perhaps the balance of reflection is a virtue to cultivate. Joy in the blessing, growth in the regret. I tend to swing toward wallowing and rewriting during times when my mind won’t turn off regret. I long to recreate the story. Yet, perhaps there’s blessing in that too.
I think “regret” is a small but tough word. It also expands and gains weight over time. That’s a lot to carry around for a lifetime. I’ve stopped saying “regrets” and have started substituting “second thoughts” instead. Why use one word when two will do? More is better. Right? It’s the American way. Old Tom, in his declaration, was his usual crafty self with words. We have the right to “pursue happiness,” but not to actually possess it. The right isn’t a “guarantee or your money back” proposition. Blessings are better. Writing them down allows for review. It’s a laudable discipline. Do I do it? Nope! That’s why I switched to “second thoughts.” Then again, perhaps I’m self-delusional?
That’s great, Stephen, lol. I’m onto “on tenth thought” Our thoughts, our human way, how we got into this mess, how we get out of it, why we have blogs, chats, and comedy. This place Randy thought up (The Devils Gift) is so cool. The people here help me to think, with love, breathing in and breathing out. I appreciate it here.
If I were to list my bad thoughts and behavior each day, I would need one of those large yellow legal pads.
I’ve often thought of writing a book titled Bad Things I Have Done in My Life. Then I think, No, it should be titled Inconsiderate Things I Have Done in My Life.
To do this, though, would be too depressing. Instead I often say, referring to both Helen and me, We have little to complain about and so much to be thankful for. This keeps me optimistic.
I am not just an avid superfan of yours and your wisdom, Randy, but of your astute readers as well. I do feel a pinch over the word “regret,” though. This world has always been a limitless treasure of Possibility. To generalize a wisdom thought of Thich Nhat Hanh’s, ‘In any given moment, recognize that the full “you” is doing the very best you can’–or else you would “do” differently. From this perspective, “regrets” seem little worth our precious time. A dynamic journey of living and learning, including through missteps, seems only all “blessing.” Pain, struggle, mistakes, etc. are not antithetical to “blessings” unless we see them so. That said, I really do understand today’s sincere veracity and appeal, and express my gratitude to all! 💜
I’ll sign up for the t-shirt saying, “What we do next matters most.” A good perspective for mankind and nature, individuals and nations.
Kindness seems to be a good investment in ourselves and others. We reap the perspective we cultivate. Some days I feel I need a grow light, most times the Sun and friends are sufficient.
I believe Simone de Beauvoir understood this. She wrote, “The body is not a thing, it is a situation: it is our grasp on the world and our sketch of our project.”
Oh, nice to read.
Thanks for the quote, Susan. “To generalize a wisdom thought of Thich Nhat Hanh’s, ‘In any given moment, recognize that the full “you” is doing the very best you can’–or else you would “do” differently.” Encouraging.better than wallowing in misbehaviors or regrets.
Yeah. I’ve done my share of messing up. Playing my mistakes over and over in my brain and regretting what I have done. I’m tired. Tired of the “if only this, if only that.” Running circles around my mistakes. Enough already!! So far I have earned 76 years on this planet and since “We have moments to live,” I’m doing my best to appreciate today. I’m content. [ I hate the word happy!! It’s been overdone, like beating a dead horse!!] BTW….did you notice what a beautiful day we had? My Weeping Cherry is exploding with pink blossoms! Daffodils blot the landscape everywhere you look! Be content, Randy. You got another day to celebrate! I pray you get another one tomorrow!! Peace!
Thanks for this, “We all mess up.What we do next matters most.
Just to have another chance to make things right is a blessing.
I’m going to put that in my new book of blessings.” I have always appreciated Nelson Mandela’s words about fears, hopes, and choices. “May your choices reflect your hopes, not your fears.” Nelson Mandela I choose to start the day with thanksgiving for waking up and having a whole new day full of people, responsibilities, and choices.
If you don’t have many regrets, maybe you didn’t try enough different things. I try to write my gratitude and not dwell on my regrets. Thank you as always for your perspective, the Tremba Angle, should be a podcast.
I regret not writing more often to tell you how I enjoy your missives!