Death’s been on my mind lately. Three friends buried this month.
I’m starting to think I have more dead friends than living ones. I’m afraid to count the remaining ones. I don’t want to spook myself or them. I want to say “See ya later” without a shadow hanging over that promise.
Some say death is an illusion, that it’s not real. No, I’m sorry. It’s real. The universe may go on forever, but our days on earth are numbered. It’s wise to keep that in mind lest we fritter them away.
Be mindful of death every day, but don’t let it get you down. Be mindful of your place in the wondrous web of life.
Belong. Be glad. Be grateful.
Recently I’ve undergone a battery of tests to determine the severity of my a-fib. Before each test, I was handed a form.
Does cardiovascular disease run in your family? No.
Kidney disease? No.
Diabetes? No.
Dementia? No.
Death?
That last question was not on the form. But it was on my mind along with a-fib, a ticking clock, and three funerals.
And then along came a wedding.
Hallelujah!
Last Saturday I officiated a wedding in a sunlit flower garden. The bridal party drifted in to the soaring sounds of “Shenandoah.” Guests came from Italy, Switzerland, Spain, Argentina, and Inwood: A wizened woman leaning on a cane, babies in arms, toddlers, teens, Gen-Z-ers (also known as zoomers), millennials, boomers (also known as geezers), straights, gays, brown, black, white, and every hue in between. A song was sung in Portuguese, a poem read in Spanish.
A wedding without borders.
The bride and groom solemnly promised to care for each other in plenty and in want, in joy and in sorrow, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.
Death! Really?
Even at a wedding, there’s no escape.
Yes, death comes to all. What’s next, if anything, is a mystery. No one knows. But in the meantime—with or without solemn vows—we can all care for each other through all kinds of conditions and circumstances.
We can be mindful of death but not let it get us down. We can concentrate on loving the earth and one another with our whole being.
We can sing. We can dance. We can live. Fearlessly.
And let the mystery be.
* * *
See Paula’s photo “September Morning”
One cannot escape the reality of death. It is universal. We are a part of nature and death itself, a transition, is our nature. But one can choose an attitude of gratitude for the fragile gift of life. Each day I write a daily blessing in my journal, no matter what the circumstances of that day. To be sure, all words fall short before the Mystery. But each day I strive to bow in silence, humility and wordless wonder before the Mystery in gratitude for my many daily “hallelujahs”.
Ram Das (Richard Albert) always encouraged, “Be Here Now.” I modified this mindful exhortation to “Be’er Now!” But hey, that’s me. Religion is always pushing speculation and focus on “the after life” to the exclusion of the one that’s actually tangible. Somehow that concept never made any sense to me. Living is the mystery. Life is also magical. So there it is, a “Magical Mystery Tour.” Besides, “We’re all Bozos On This Bus.” Let the after life take care of itself. As John Lee Hooker once reminded us, “When I die; where I go; nobody knows.” So “Be’er Now!”
“Belong. Be glad. Be grateful.”
That resonates for me. Death has been a more frequent visitor of late…& it keeps me aware of the Great Mystery of this Life. Today, I am thankful for the gifts that visit, large & small, and being reminded of the temporary nature of it all – as the leaves fall – I am most mindful of this gift of connection to one another. Thank you🙏🏼💓
Very wise folks taught me to accept life on life’s terms. Death is part of life on life’s terms.
Thank you Fellow Sojourners. All shared today resonates. Since 9-16-22: Exposure to Covid meant a grieving friend and I had to isolate here and miss the 9-17 drive to a NC beach for a large group (women) reunion of an annual tradition not held since pre-Covid. Simultaneously: My friend is still grieving the death of her husband last Easter Sunday; my daughter, son-in-law, and almost 3-yr. old grandson all tested positive by Sunday; a beloved member of the beach group, sick in Seattle, was diagnosed late week before last with ALS and died Wednesday; a member of the group at the beach was rushed to the local ER with a kidney stone the size of a marble; my husband’s beach group, in LA this year to make it easier for one member whose wife has Alzheimer’s, had 3 of 5 members test positive Thursday night; and as my husband was returning at 3 am this morning, testing negative, thankfully, our daughter was being taken to the ER because of symptoms that were diagnosed a “Covid Relapse”, even though she had not recovered from the “Lapse” of 7 days ago! (can we smile?). Learned while writing this that another beach attendee (NYC gal) was just diagnosed with Rocky Mtn. Spotted Fever. If my life was not a continual journey of Practice in going back to the breath, the Love, the present moment, equanimity, and gratitude for the fleeting gift that life is, I might have reason to weep buckets this morning. As it is, 🙏🏼, Amen.
Belong. Be glad. Be grateful. Oh – indeed …
I too started counting the numbers and thought, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? Absolutely nothing. I am perfectly and wonderfully made. Yes – even with my heart issue earlier in the year teaching I have enlarged upper chambers. Well, duh, anyone who is privileged to know me I do have a LARGE HEART 😉.
May we LIVE – LOVE – LAUGH … make memories for ourselves and others.
Wait until you are my age. I have lived in this area all my life, so I’ve had many longtime friends. Not any more. I turn 86 in 1 month, and am down to 2 friends here that I have known for over 50 years. One good thing: My high school class of 1954 will be having a reunion in the first week of October, and I hope to see more.
Funny thing is, when I was younger I thought a lot more about death than I do now, when I’m staring it in the face. In those days, the concept centered around what I ought to be thinking about, believing and preparing for – and there were plenty of sources of “information.” Somewhere along the way, especially in more recent years, I started focusing more on how damn lucky I have been and continue to be, and how best to use every day. I’ll find out “what happens when you die” soon enough!
My husband Bill will be 80 next Sunday. Because of his afib I bought him a home defibrillator and running shoes for his birthday. He already has a EKG Kardia on his iPhone. Guess I’m not willing to let go anytime soon. So, I will focus on the positive and prepare for the worst. It’s my thing. In the meantime we will continue to laugh about everything including ourselves because we think we are very funny. I know death is not funny but I wish it was.
Thank you for this beautiful, thoughtful musing about death. I am reminded of just how many friends are gone every time I look through my ancient address book; I have been using pencil only for this book forever for the many address changes, but I can’t bring myself to erase the entries of those dear friends who have died.
Thank you for the Iris Dement song; she is such a good songwriter and I love her singing and her accent. “Let the Mystery Be” is a good mantra for just about everything.
Thank you for Paula’s “September Morning” photo. It captures the very essence of this passing time from summer to winter.
My mystery: I’m still foolish enough to wonder if I am here for “a reason” and what it could be and if I have accomplished it or ever will.
Your posts always seem to be on time. Thank you for the gentle reminder to Belong. Be glad. Be grateful…be present and like the song says “let the mystery be.”