The president tested positive for COVID.

I gloated.

I told myself not to, but I couldn’t stop. I was actually on the verge of rejoicing. (That’s not nice! I told myself.)

So I tried to conjure sympathy.

I told myself he’s president of the United States. I told myself he’s a fellow human being. I told myself he has wives and children.

Still, I felt no sympathy. I just can’t console an unrepentant abuser. That would enable him even more.

And yet it seemed the whole world was praying for him.

I wasn’t.

I revere nature. I believe in natural laws. I don’t believe in a god who saves people from stupidity.

I don’t know for sure, but I’m guessing the president initially saw his test result as a compliment, as some sort of praise.

Of course my test was positive. I’m a positive guy. I was weaned on Norman Vincent Peale’s The Power of Positive Thinking. It’s the only way I think.

Think happy thoughts and you will be happy. Say you’re a winner and you will win. Believe a virus will disappear and it will disappear.

The power of positive thinking has never failed me.

Against all odds I was elected president. Despite numerous bankruptcies, a fraudulent university scheme, stiffing contract workers, boasting of adultery, and denigrating Mexicans, Muslims, disabled people, women, and American war heroes, I was elected president. I even got 3 million fewer votes than my opponent and still won.

THINK POSITIVE AND GOOD THINGS WILL HAPPEN.

And then someone explained to him that a “positive test” in this case was not a good thing and that he could die.

NO PRESIDENT HAS EVER FACED A CHALLENGE AS GREAT AS THIS. NO PRESIDENT HAS VOLUNTARILY TAKEN ON THE SUFFERING OF HIS PEOPLE. NO PRESIDENT HAS BEEN MORE LIKE JESUS.

And just like that, the president realized this could (AND WOULD) turn out for his benefit because everything always did. EVERYTHING.

The whole world thinks I’m on my deathbed. But I will rise on the third day. I will dominate death. The world will rejoice. Hymns will be sung. Behold, the Dominator!

I stopped gloating and started thinking positive. STRONGLY!

The votes will resound.

The Dominator will deflate.

America will mend.

America will smile.

America will shine from sea to shining sea again.

I’m thinking positive. I’m hopeful. But I ain’t feelin’ it.

Not (quite) yet!

_______________________

See Paula’s heron photograph on the home page.