Roads go ever ever on…
—The Hobbit, J.R.R. Tolkien
* * *
Because of the ick factor, I’ll keep this short. Think of it as a Public Service Announcement.
Last week I recommended comfy shoes for the road of life. After all, it’s a rough road. Keep your feet happy, I said. Wear comfy shoes.
Many readers agreed.
One reader, however, pointed out that the road is not only rough, it’s long—sometimes very, very long—and sometimes rest stops are sparse. And sometimes you’re stuck in gridlock for hours with no relief in site. Keep your bladder happy, he said. Keep a urinal bottle handy in your car.
(I guess an empty water bottle would do in a pinch, but at a certain age hands can be a little shaky. And for those with less clumsy plumbing, some bottles come with a funnel, my friend told me.)
(Are you done yet?!!)
(Not quite.)
Years ago I got a first aid kit for my car and put it, along with a flashlight, blanket, and bottled water, in a plastic container behind the back seat. I didn’t include a urinal bottle. I didn’t know there was such thing.
Of course, I might have figured there was such a thing if I’d even once thought about it. But I hadn’t, even though I’ve often wished and prayed that I had a “relief map” when the road goes “ever ever on,” as Tolkien’s poem puts it.
Hobbits, of course, take a long road in stride. We can’t. Hobbits never face the problem of which I speak.
(1) They never go on long road trips in a car. They walk. And wherever they fare they fare well because trees, rock breaks, and caves are plentiful in Middle Earth—if perchance they ever have to go. But do they?
(2) I’ve read The Hobbit and all three Lord of the Rings books, and I don’t recall a single instance when a hobbit stops to urinate or squats to evacuate. So there’s that. Hobbit physiology is not human physiology. On the road that goes ever ever on, hobbits never gotta go.
Humans gotta go.
So do yourself a favor. Pack a urinal bottle for your next road trip. Fortunately, there’s quite a variety on Amazon, including one with a cap that glows in the dark.
(I don’t want to know why!)
Isn’t it absolutely phenomenal and wonderful God gave to we his human creatures the gift of humor. I’m trying to remember if I can recall up a passage where Jesus laughed or God had a sense of humor. But my mind is growing less able these days. But I don’t need scripture to know good, deep laughter is healing or even quiet humor that only shows itself as a mischievous smile. And sometimes when people laugh together they can reach right over their divides. Thank you for such an educational Sunday morning early read, Randy—-And did you happen to find a urinal product for females. There must be one!!!!!
When my kids were little and we lived in Wyoming, we always had an emergency road kit in the car. You never knew when a blizzard or something else might strand you where the antelope and buffalo roam, far, far from towns and gas stations or much in the way of human traffic. So besides all the things you wisely mentioned, we included a first aid kit, some chocolate (M & Ms work well), and an empty coffee can with its plastic lid. It makes a great, cheap urinal. No special aim or accoutrements needed. It also has room for some TP.
PS: I hope my sister Betsy will tell about the time we got stuck in a long line trying to get into Yellowstone.
Yes, a tightly lidded coffee can is very useful. Came in handy years ago in a nasty snowstorm in rural Maryland. Unisex.
Lady parts. Didn’t think so.
Yes, urinal bottle kept in car under the driver’s seat, of course! We started doing that when we took off for our Southwest trip in October of two years ago. Our next door neighbor said she had a gift for me to take on our trip, it was a female urinal bottle! 😆 Ya know you’re an old foogy (sp) 🤔 when you’re gifted a urinal bottle! I’d say that is now a necessary item for an emergency kit. So, the great thing about getting old, one is, we should feel blessed that we get to get old & also, we can see & express & look at our getting old behaviors in a humorous way. Have fun together laughing about our senior behaviors! As you have done for us today. 😁🤗 Cheers! 💪👏🌈💖🤗
Big Smiles, and a chortle. Dad would point to a cornfield on the LONG road to a Penn State game! As Jon grew I found a small town outside of State College, Waddle. We would “Widdle in “Waddle!’ Many episodes between then and now called for unusual antics. Our very last excursion into woods was during a great storm in 2017. As Jon and I inched toward my home, Mom’s last days, we were stuck on I-81. Out of the car, over the guard rails, knee deep in snow, one at a time, we found comfort! How my son laughs at these memories. There are contraptions for lady parts..perhaps time to gear up! Hahahaaa!
I am appreciative of the many personal stories on this “theme of necessity!” 😉😆 My thus far workable solution: I never travel by car in inclement weather, or take long road trips on roads too isolated to have facilities! I think of it as more strategic than privileged! As Isak Dinesen once said, “I have been a mental traveler!” 😏
Yeah! Let’s hope this screed doesn’t lead to a long list of pee stories. We all have far too many of those. The usually handy water bottle is fraught with more problems for guys than one could ever possibly imagine, as well as totally useless for women. This is why car doors are handy. Open one or two and let ‘er rip. If we’re stuck in stalled traffic, others immediately understand what’s happening and will be silently grateful that you have acted as an intrepid traveler and taken the situation decisively in hand. They will follow suit, and be eternally thankful for your bravery. Indeed, trips over the guard rail are inherently perilous. And remember, if there’s snow on the ground, don’t let the kids or grand kids eat the yellow snow. 🙂
I discovered urinal bottles in my 20s. I was an avid backpacker then. No one likes to crawl out of their warm sleeping bag and dry tent in the middle of the night to pee, so it slept with me in my sleeping bag—warm and handy! It still travels with me on all my road trips.
Case in point!! A skilled and talented writer can make any topic interesting to read. I remember joyfully teaching my son he could go behind a tree.
In listening to one of Thich Nhat Hanh’s teachings, I was surprised to hear him invite us to be aware of the many blessings of life, including the act of urination and be grateful. Buddhist wisdom invites us to be in touch with our nature. So this action is simply nature calling us. Why not recognize it, even celebrate it, rather than make light of it?
I choose to share … I keep GALLON size ziplock freezer bags (conform easily to female’s shape and fidgety youngsters) and paper napkins in the glove box. Mmmhmm – THANKS. These ARE things we need to contemplate and share.
Those of us who are familiar with the need for such an item, the small white plastic one in the photo is designed for the female anatomy. Any questions???? Good. Have a comfortable evening at home and fella’s PLEASE PUT THE TOILET SEAT DOWN!!!