[In an effort to bully concessions from the Iranians at the negotiating table the president recently posted an image of himself holding an assault rifle with the caption: “No more Mr. Nice Guy.” Ha! As if he has been Mr. Rogers until now. “I genuinely believe Trump is currently demon possessed,” the far-right Texas pastor Joel Webbon recently wrote on X. Hours later, he hosted a livestream chat titled “Is Donald Trump the Antichrist?” I’m not taking that bait. I already answered that question two years ago. Click here. Enough of this Antichrist frenzy. We need more Jesus, as in “Jesus Shaves,” my post of October 13, 2019.]
* * *
JESUS SHAVES. That’s funny. It wouldn’t be funny if it were Buddha, Moses, Muhammad, or Bob shaving.
JESUS SAVES.
JESUS SHAVES.
Funny!
HONK IF YOU LOVE CHEESES is funny, too, because there are a million bumper stickers taunting motorists to HONK IF YOU LOVE JESUS. I never honk. I’m pretty sure the Jesus I love isn’t the one they love.
My Jesus is a fun guy. He rocks the boat.
He once told a fat-assed rich guy that it was easier for a camel to squeeze through the eye of a needle than for a fat-assed rich guy to get into heaven.
You gotta slim down, buddy, or you’ll miss out on the good life.
Lots of knee slapping on that one, I bet.
HONK IF YOU LOVE JESUS.
I’m teaching a course at Shepherd University entitled “Jesus Before Christianity.” It’s a full class. A lot of us would like to know what Jesus was before he became a white evangelical Republican.
He was Jewish, that’s what. He was born Jewish. He died Jewish.
His mother Mary (aka Miriam) was Jewish. And, no, she wasn’t a “Catholic Jew” as one incredulous (Catholic) student insisted.
So, I’ve been downloading songs about Jesus. Jesus Was a Capricorn. The Rebel Jesus. Jesus Is Just Alright with Me. Jesus on the Mainline. We Need a Whole Lot More of Jesus (And a Lot Less Rock and Roll). And my favorite: They Ain’t Makin Jews Like Jesus Anymore, by Kinky Friedman and the Texas Jewboys. (Yes, there is such a group.)
While googling I stumbled on “Jesus Shaves” by Paranoid Larry. (Yes, there is such a person). Jesus loses his job in corporate America, becomes a welder, shaves twice a week, goes ice fishin’ after church on Sunday, walks on water, bumbles into a date, marries Magdalena (from payroll), and has a daughter.
I love that Jesus, too, and the blessing he offers.
Blessed are the ones who make peace,
blessed are the ones who scrape by.
Blessed are the ones living holy lives,
and here’s to the rest of us who try
I never heard it that way from the Bible Jesus. I heard it from the one who shaves.
Here’s to the rest of us who try.
“Jesus Shaves” as performed by the Roches
I do wonder who makes these things up! But I love the chorus😊… it is worth remembering & repeating!
“keep on trying” brought Stevie Wonder’s “Higher Ground “ to mind. All we can do.
A beautiful sunny chilly Sunday. The lake is only a little choppy and the fishing boats are out.
Don’t forget, “Dropkick Me Jesus Through the Goalpost of Life.” 🎶
Jesus Shaves reminds me of my favorite from the 1970s, Larry Norman, and his song, “why Should the Devil Have All the Good Music?”
“Jesus was a Capricorn. He ate organic food. Long hair,sandals and a funky bunch of friends,” wrote and sang by Kris Kristofferson. He also wrote a beautiful song about finding Jesus called “Why me, Lord?” I love our mountain music makers who’ve gotten sober, found Jesus and got woke like Tyler Childers. Jesus was real. Thanks for presenting Jesus as he was.
O my, Randy – what a moving song about “ ordinary” people who are living extraordinarily in these times. “ here’s to the rest of us…”living our best lives, day to day, You made my day!
Now on to dancing around the May Pole in our little town…Blessed are we…
Oh, such Spring Bounty within this blog and within the beautiful rituals in our special community! As far as I can tell, we’ve all been shaved. And a “Jewish Jesus” kind of spirit infuses us all with celebratory joy! I love it!
Which raises the cultural dilemma of bumper stickers. (you were writing about stuff you read on cars, right?.)BTW, as an English Lit grad, I’m really into using words accurately. A “dilemma” is a “difficult situation requiring a choice between two or more equally undesirable, unfavorable, or mutually exclusive alternatives…”
So, what’s my “difficult situation?” It’s nothing about Jesus. I’m good with Jesus. Not that he doesn’t have some problems (yes, maybe a dilemma) with me. But I’m good with him. And,If he wanted to shave, great. And if he likes cheese, so be it.
No my problem is the need to put our deepest thought (e.g.,”world peace”) or your funniest line (e.g., “whirled peas”), etc on the tail end of your vehicle. I mean, can it be possible that our age has come to a level of communication where humanity can express it most important contribution to humanity on a bumper sticker??Is this the “bumper sticker”age? Compared to what? Well, there was the “a picture is worth a thousand words” age.. Everyone who was anyone had an oil painting (and later a photograph). Maybe we could document other previous “ages”.How bout those stone busts of Roman emperors. And moving forward, maybe the next generation is where people communicate their deepest thoughts and humor with little yellow faces (icons, avatars, etc) (Note that I never made puns the way we communicate. I hate puns.)
Which brings us to “tRump”, the emperor and his sycophants. (look it up. It is exactly the right word). I’ve heard (and seen bumper stickers saying) the solution is that he die. Not a good idea, why, because it will just stir up the MAGAts. No, we need an “American” solution. More than just vote. Each of us have to do atleast one more proactive thing to change the direction he and the supreme court are taking us. Example, I remember when West Virginia was a Democrat state. Everyone. Some who shouldn’t have been in office. But Jesus, who cares/represents the poor (most of West Virginians) in Congress or in the legislature. I think Jesus would reply, “Care for these people and vote. And get involved. My people. And Pray for our children’s world.”
That’s what I’m doing. I think Jesus wants us to be community organizers like Barack and Jimmy Carter and John Lewis and others, or if we are willing to part with some cash, donors, or get-out-the-vote phone bank callers…..
So, End of the diatribe, or maybe it’s just sarcasm but it’s the only way I seem to get my message across to my “generation.”
Public diatribes are good for mental health. I hope you’re feeling better after that passionate declamation. West Virginia was “Almost Heaven” until the Republicans took over. Now we have Hell to pay.
Big Roches fan—how did this one escape me?? So good! Thanks!
Good song selection there, Doc. What amazes me about religion is how people twist and distort The Scriptures to say what they want them to say. Amen! Where do we go from here?.